Micro-cheating

Micro-cheating are small subtle acts of betrayal, that one partner may consider is not a betrayal whilst the other will feel they are cheating.  These acts can be subtle and add confusion to the relationship as each partner may view what is acceptable differently.    One partner may not perceive these behaviours should qualify as full-blown infidelity, whilst the other will feel that the behaviours cross the emotional or relational boundaries in a romantic relationship.

What is clear is that cheating, micro or otherwise, is less about the behaviour and more about lies and the keeping of secrets from your primary partner.

Micro-cheating usually involves small acts of emotional or physical intimacy that suggest a level of interest in someone outside the primary relationship — without necessarily having a physical affair.

Some common examples of micro-cheating include:

• Frequently texting or flirting with someone you find attractive.
• Hiding or deleting messages from a specific person.
• Saving someone’s number under a fake name.
• Dressing up or behaving differently to impress a specific person (not your partner).
• Constantly checking someone’s social media or liking their posts in a flirtatious way.
• Talking negatively about your partner to someone you might be emotionally interested in.

Technology has changed how we communicate.  It has great benefits including meeting partners, making friends, reconnecting with old friends and sometimes rekindling old relationships. The downside is that lines can become blurred in what is acceptable when communicating with others and what is acceptable in our intimate relationships.

What you can do to help avoid micro-cheating is:

• Sitting down and talking with your partner about personal and relationship boundaries and what is agreed upon in the relationship.
• This can be done, at the start of the relationship or as the need arises.
• If you are communicating secretly with someone else, this is a clear indication that something is wrong in your relationship and either you need to make a change or express to your partner how to get your needs met.
• Attending couple therapy can help to have these conversations and find ways to turn to your partner rather than another.